A New Begining
by monkeey76
Summary: A different take when Damon hears of Elena's choice to forget him. He asks Alaric to compel him to get rid of these feelings for Elena. He mets a women that will change his world forever. But there are always people trying to stop Damon's happiness for coming true.
1. Chapter 1

Starting over

So, I have spent months with Bonnie and Kai, trying to find my way back; to my brother. To Elena. But when I finally get back home, Bonnie gave up her life so I could go home. My brother gave up on me. And last be not least, my best friend compelled my beautiful girlfriend to forget she ever loved me. And that's not all; she doesn't even want to remember me! Yeah. I spent 4 months with a judgey little witch (who I started to like, but I will never tell a soul) losing hope of ever finding my way back to Elena. When I came back, I never thought I would want to die all over again. Hearing that she is happy, not knowing what we had, happy with another man. I never thought my heart could break all over again.

But I know what I can do, to make the pain go away. I know what you're thinking. No, I'm not turning off my humanity. I need to be here for Stefan, Alaric, Enzo, and Bonnie. I owe her my life and I'm not going to take it for granted.

"Hey Alaric. We need to talk."

"Yeah, I know. Look I really thought that Elena would want to remember you. You can kick my ass. I deserve it."

"I'm not here about that. I want you to compel me. To forget I loved Elena."

"WHAT! You're not even going to fight for her?!"

"Ric, I need you to understand this. I spent 145 years waiting for a woman that didn't even care about me. Then I stuck around for three years watching the girl I loved with my brother. Helping them get back together. I haven't really lived. I have always been a love sick puppy. I don't want that anymore. Please just do this for me. You OWE me."

"Fine! When do you want to do this?"

"When I get back, I need to say something to Elena first." I walked out the door towards Elena's door and knocked on it.

"Who is it?"

"Guess."

"What do you want Damon? I'm not going to change my mind. You can't make me. I'm happy now." Those words were knives to my heart. She's happy. , but not with me. Happy that she doesn't remember what we had.

"I know you are. I'm not going to try and convince you. I just need to say something to your face. I've wanted to say this for the last four months. Just let me say it so I can move on."

"You're not trying to change my mind? You're just gonna give up? Everyone told me that you tried to be with me, that you were in love with me. You never were, were you? You were using me-"

"ELENA! Shut up. That's not it. Yes, I spent three years pining after you, helping you with Stefan, and I did love you. I still do. I came here because I need to say this. So, please open the door so I can talk to you." I heard her going towards the door and unlock it. The door slowly opened to revelled those beautiful brown eyes I have wanted to see for months. She looked so different, her hair's curlier, longer, and those beautiful brown orbs hold no to love for me, but for someone else.

"What did you want to say?"

"Ok, first. Don't run away again. Just let me say this ok?" She looked uneasy but nodded anyways. "Thank you. I love you. I will always love you. Thank you for picking me over Stefan for the first time. Thank you for loving me, at some point. Thank you for always trying to see the good in me, even when I already gave up. I will never forget what it is like to be loved by you. You made 169 years of pain seem worthwhile, just to see you smile. You loving me made me feel worthy to be loved. Even when, I tried so hard to keep you away from me. When I didn't believe you loved me. Thank you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm going to miss you so much." It was almost impossible to keep me from touching her. But, if I did. What I'm about to do would be so much harder to do.

"Why are you telling me this? Where are you going?"

"I'm not going anywhere. Stefan needs me, Alaric needs to learn how to control and I need to find Enzo. I'm telling you this because: I will never get the chance to tell you this again. Not really. I asked Alaric to make me forget that I ever loved you."

"Oh. But your memories? Won't they change?"

"No. I'm going to make Alaric compel me to believe that I only loved you because of Katherine. That you were a replacement of her. That I let her die because I thought I could make you just like her, but only love me. That when I came back to life, I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I wanted to be free of Katherine"

"Was I just a replacement?"

"If you were, I wouldn't need Alaric to make me believe it know would I? God, I do love you. Please remember that, even when I can't."

"I will. Good luck."

"Thanks, Good luck with Liam. Don't put him through a weird love triangle, it's not fun. Trust me" I walked away before she could say anything. Walking to Alaric's classroom. Every step I took I could feel myself regretting my choice, but I also felt a bit of relief. For the first time in a long time, I was doing something for me. Not Elena, not Stefan. Me. It felt good.

"So what do you want me to do?"

"Tell me that Elena was just a replacement for Katherine. That I thought I could make Elena just like Katherine. That when I died I wanted to be free of Katherine. I wanted to be free."

"Alright, you're sure about this?"

"I'm sure I need to do this."

"Got it, I called Stefan. He's bringing Enzo here."

"Why did you tell them?" 

"They should know." Shortly after Alaric was done talking Stefan and Enzo came bursting threw the door.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why is everyone trying to forget their love for everyone? Think about it Damon. Are you really going to give up? What in the world could possibly make you think this is a good idea? Well? Answer me!"

"Stefan I don't expect you to understand. You can hit me, threaten me, but you aren't going to change my mind. You know what it is like to be loved by her. You know how hard it is to know that she doesn't love you anymore. But at least you guys fell out of love. Moved on. I don't think I can, because we didn't fall out of love. She erased me from her memory, what I have done for her. I worshiped the ground she walked on and she doesn't even like me. I can't live like that Stefan. My flip is so close to turning on all the way, just so I have a reason to kill myself. Because if I see her kiss Liam I'm going to rip my heart out. I'm doing this for you, for Elena, for me. Just don't try and stop me. There is only so much I can take before I break."

"What do you mean your flip is almost all the way? Has your flip not been all the way on since you've came back?"

"Stefan, my flip has never been all the way."

"What emotion are you hiding?"

"You'll never know. Alaric do it."

"OK, but first you have to answer all our questions first." Stefan and Enzo held me down so I couldn't escape.

"No! Stop!" I yelled

"Damon, stop fighting me! You want me to make you forget about Elena then, we want answers."

"Well, I don't want any answer. I'm just tagging along. I know most of your secrets anyway mate." Enzo said, holding my arm tightly.

Suddenly the door burst open revealing the one, the only, Blondie…

"What the hell Da-." She just stared at us, trying to figure out what was happening. "What are you guys doing?"

"Caroline," Alaric walked over to stand infront of her. "What are you doing here?"

"Elena told me what Damon was going to do and freaked out a little. She thought he didn't love her, since her was giving up so easily. That what we told her was all a lie. So, I was going to come here and kick Damon's ass." She didn't her eyes off me the whole time she was taking. "So, what are you guys doing?"

"I'm going to compel Damon to think what he had was because of Katherine. But, we wanted answers first."

"Ok? So why are they holding him down? Just compel him to relax."

"I would, but he's resisting the compulsion."

"You can do that?"

"If you have enough will power, yeah. Stefan did it, your dad. I'm not that surprise that Damon can to."

"But he couldn't do it the first time when Kol compelled him to kill Jeremy."

"That," I said "was different. You want me to tell you all my dirty little secrets. If Jeremy died by my hand, I would have still gotten the hunters curse. Besides, I had nothing then. Why fight."

"I want in." Caroline said

"What?" Alaric and I said at the same time.

"I want to see what makes him the way he is."

"What? Are you going to invite the whole Scobey gang to hear to?" I was still trying to break free. I really should have eaten more.

"No, just Elena. Maybe seeing what you've done for her will make her want to remember. Wait for me, I'm going to get Elena." With that she walked out of the room. Even if Elena decided to remember me, I don't think I could trust her anymore. I understand why she did it, but it doesn't make it any better. If it were the other way around, I would have never stopped looking. I wouldn't try and settle down. I would kill myself. But I would never forget my love for her. It's not the best way to honour the person you love. Is it?

Suddenly there was a sharp sting in my neck. _Vervain. _They must be planning to enter my mind when I'm unconscious.

Damn it

Everything went black and felt myself fall in with it

~No one's P.O.V but Damon~

As the vervain made Damon limp in their arms, Alaric was trying to get into Damon's mind. Even unconscious, Damon was still fighting. Caroline and Elena walked in seeing Damon sleeping. Elena already knew what was going on, she knew that Caroline thought this would make her want her memories back. But it won't. She's happy without Damon. Why don't they see that?

"Hey guys," Alaric addressed the group "I need your help. He's still fighting me. If all of us try and get into his head at the same time then we can all see and it will make this a lot easier."

A lot of "Yeahs" and "Sures" were said. Everyone was curious what made Damon tick. Only one among them thought this was pointless. He is still a monster, no matter what. He killed Jeremy, infront of her, for no reason. Nothing could make herself forgive him.

"Alright then. Ready?" The all nodded and dove in. They could feel themselves getting sucked into Damon's mind and memories.

They seemed to be at the old Salvatore Mansion for some reason. Suddenly a young by came up to them dressed in 1800s clothes.

"What are you doing here?" the little my asked

"Damon?" Stefan croghed down to his level

"Hi Stefan. Why are you here?"

"My friends and I wanted to see some stuff."

"What did you want to see? I can help you find it."

"What happened to mother?" Stefan asked

"I'll show you." The young Damon took Stefan's hand and lends him to one of the doors and opened it.

Inside, a woman with dark raven hair was sitting down on a couch with to little boys and was reading them a story; when Giuseppe came in.

"Boys go to bed." His voice was slightly slurred indicating that he was drunk "I need to speak with your mother." Damon said goodnight to his mother and took 3 year old Stefan up to his bedroom and tucked him in. He went to his room and when to bed and was about to fall asleep when he heard crying. He got out of bed and followed the sound and found his mother crying with blood on her.

"Mother? Mother what's wrong?" She looked up at him and grabbed his hand.

"Damon, could you please get me some rope please?"

"Of course mother." Damon went to the stables to get the rope for his mother. He didn't know why she needed it but he would do as he was told. When he returned with a long piece of rope he saw her drinking some of father's precious bourbon. "Here you go mother." He handed her the rope and she took it gratefully.

"Thank you Damon. Now I want you to remember this Damon. Take care of your brother. He needs you."

"I will mother I promise."

"Good." She took off a ring on her finger and handed it to Damon. "I want you to give that to the woman you wan to spend your life with. This is more important to me then my own wedding ring. A man I once knew gave this ring to me. He made it for me so he could propose with it. I said yes but he grew ill before we could marry. I have never taken this ring off. Now you have it and don't give to the first woman you see. Wait for the right time."

"Mother, you're scaring me. Are you ill?"

"No, I'm not ill. I just wanted you to have it. Go back to bed Damon."

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"I am. I love you Damon. Goodnight"

"Love you too mother." He hugged her tight like it was the last time. He didn't know that it was.

Stefan couldn't speak; he didn't know what he just saw. "What happened next?" He asked little Damon.

"She used the rope to hang herself. I found her body. We told everyone that it was a disease. I didn't want you to know. I didn't know why she did it for a long time but I figured it out. He uses to beat her all the time. She could handle herself, but that might. He went to far. He raped her. While we were sleeping."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" There wasn't a dry eye in the room. Everyone felt for the little boy.

"You only had one parent left, you looked up to him. I couldn't take that away from you. Your childhood. Every time you looked at him, it was with love and respect. If you knew, then every time you looked at him that's all you would see."

"But that's what you saw everyday. Why didn't you try and do something?"

"I couldn't. No one would have believed me. Even if I did say something and he was sent to jail, we would have been separated. Then who would have taken care of you? I was going to avenge her. It's one of the reasons I wanted to give you an eternity of misery. You got to kill him. I didn't."

"It wasn't about Katherine or making you turn?"

"That was part of it, I just realized when I turned that you got everything you wanted without trying. You didn't get hurt. I did. I was mad. Your life was, is, so easy compared to mine. I always had been. I think that's why you couldn't control the blood lust. I never taught you how to defend yourself, I always took care of it, or Lexi."

"What happened after that?"

"Father would drink to much and think I was mother and beat me. He tried to beat you a couple of times but I would break something so he wouldn't get to you."

"Why didn't I know?"

"You did. 'I fell out of a tree.' 'Some guys got into a fight and I stopped them.' 'I fell down the stairs.' Sound familiar? Go threw the doors to see some more memories if you want. Just skip the childhood, it's not pretty." Little Damon disappeared into thin air. Leaving the five alone.

After a while Enzo spoke up, breaking the silence. "Lets go down memory land shall we?"

"Did you know?" Stefan asked Enzo

"I knew Damon was abused as a child, but he never told me. Abused children can tell if you had a happy childhood or not. Now I want to go into this room." Enzo opened a random door.

Damon was lying on a bed throwing a ball up whilst Klaus watched

"You know none of this would be an issue if you had just done your lob properly, I was perfectly willing to let you train Jeremy." Klaus scolded Damon.

"No, you weren't you weren't you showed up day two. Do you know how hard it is to get these X-box brains to focused?"

"Then when I turned a room of bar files into vampires, you let Kol kill them." Klaus reminded

"Your brother problem, not mine buddy." He continued to throw the ball up into the air

"And whose bright idea was it to gift Jeremy with a conscience?"

"Couldn't have him trying to stake Elena in her sleep could we?"

"Ah yes, the lovely Elena. Now how is it that she manages to look overlook every horrific thing you've done?" This caught Elena's attention. She was curious what possession her to forgive Damon so many times. "Is it wilful ignorance or is a bit more pathological?"

"Some people are just more forgiving than others, bet you score a negative five hundred in that area."

"Come on! It can't just be the sire bond, what is it? Compulsion, manipulation. What is it that you say to her?"

Damon caught the ball and turned to look at the hybrid. "I think this has something to do with a certain blonde vampire. I think you killed Carol Lockwood, and I think you're worried that Caroline's never gonna forgive you." Everyone turned to look at Caroline.

"What?"

"You slept with him right?" Enzo asked

"Shut up."

"You've done worse." Klaus reminded Damon.

"Debatable, see, I don't mind being the bad guy, cause someone has to fill that role and get things done. You do bad things for no reason; you do them to be a dick."

"Debatable."

"If you're gonna be bad, be bad with a purpose, otherwise you're just not worth forgiving."

"You've done things just for the heck of it."

"First of all, I had no humanity then or something made me break. Second of all, stop trying to read me. It's annoying."

"You're just mad that you can't read me."

"Really?" Klaus nodded. "Alright, then how do I know that your father has beaten you when you were a child. Your brothers sometimes but not as much as you."

"How did you know that?"

"You were so desperate to kill your dad. Plus takes a victim to know a victim."

"Let me guess, your father hated you, and loved Stefan. He beat you but not Stefan."

"He tried, I stopped him. Stefan doesn't know. And if he knew why he beat me then he would have thrown a party after our dad died."

"I won't tell a soul, don't worry."

"Good. That tattoo you have, is there a scar?"

"My father stabbed me with a sword in my shoulder because he wanted something of mine. Yours?"

"My dad got drunk and thought I was my mother. He was so angry with himself that he wanted to kill me. He got a knife and cut open my arm. My scream woke the servants; they took me to the hospital. I told Stefan I fell out a tree. My tattoo hides some of it." They sat in silence for a while, thinking about their past. "Lets never talk about this again. I don't want pity looks."

"Agreed. But you know," Klaus got up to leave. "One of these days your humanity switch will be fully on. Can you take all the pain?"

"Could you? I know you went into my mind earlier, if it was you, could you?"

"Honestly, I'd rip my heart out if it happened."

"Me too" Klaus left the room and shut the door. Everything disappeared. Stefan was shocked, he told KLAUS. But not him.

Everyone seemed shocked by this information but Enzo.

"How are you so calm?" Alaric asked

"Because, I have heard about Klaus. I was easy to figure out what happened to him. It takes a monster to make a monster. It doesn't have to be one person. For Klaus it was his mother and father. For Damon it was all of you and the rest of your friends. That's why we got along so well. I didn't judge, nor did he. We knew what happened and why it happened. We didn't just to jump conclusions like you lot did. Come on then, let's see what else Damon has been hiding."

They continued to the next door that was completely black

Damon was in his bathroom washing his hands when Stefan came in with his arms crossed

"Is she safe?" Damon asked.

"Elijah kept his word. Rebekah let her go."

"Good. All's right in the world again." Damon picked up a glass of bourbon by the sink and walked out of the bathroom.

"I lost that coin toss Damon. Should have been me that turned Abby. Why did you do it?"

"Cause I'm not blind. I see what's been going on around here. You're hanging by a thread Stefan, barely over your last ripper beng. And all you want is to be the old Stefan again."

Stefan shook his head. "That part of me is gone for good."

"Oh yeah? How long it's been since your last drop of human blood?"

"How'd you know?"

"Spend 146 years with someone you start to pick up on their tells. Answer the question, how long it's been since your last drink?" He took a sip out of his drink and stared down Stefan.

"Since the night I threatened to drive Elena off of Wickery Bridge."

"See, you have enough to feel guilty about. Why add to the list? By the way, your welcome." Damon turned to walk out of his room.

"You know you're not fooling anyone Damon. You still love her."

"I do. I thought I could win her from you fair and square. She didn't want me. It's for the best. I'm better at being the bad guy anyway." He walked away from his room leaving Stefan behind."

Enzo was shocked then just burst out laughing.

"Let me get this straight," Enzo, said, barely containing his laughter "Stefan tried to kill you on the bridge your parents died and you still went back to him? Are you that stupid?"

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm sorry. Did he not try and kill you?"

"Stefan was going crazy" Child Damon appeared "He didn't know what was right anymore. It's my fault. I should have taught him better. I should have made him take responsibility for his actions. I shouldn't have taken the blame ever time."

"But it's not your fault, mate. He should have learned by himself. You did. He should have noticed that your father was beating you."

"He could never know! He needed father, it was all he had left." The young boy's eyes started to fill with tears. "Go to the next room if you want." Damon left them and went to an empty room and just stared.

"Stefan why didn't you say something?" Caroline asked "We treated Damon like this for years."

"He likes being the good brother." Enzo stated, "HE follows the rules. People get hurt, but he listened to them. That's the difference between them. Nothing could stop Damon from helping the people he cared about. Sure, he left me. But he honoured my memory, instead of erasing me from his mind." HE glared at Elena before turning to a door that had veins all over it. He reached for the doorknob when present day Damon appeared.

"I wouldn't go in there. Nothing is worth seeing in there."

"What is it?" Alaric asked

"Nothing."

"Open it Enzo." Elena demanded. She wanted to know what was behind that door as much as everyone else.

Enzo opened the door and you could hear whispers in the room. A 14-year-old Damon was sitting on his bed holding a knife to his arm and started to cut it. He was mumbling something.

"I look like her. I don't deserve to live. I'm nothing."

"No." Stefan whispered. He couldn't believe it; his brother had wanted to die since he was a boy.

There was a knock on the door that made Damon look up and hide the blade. He covered his arm so that they could see. No one could see him weak. Especially Stefan. He needed to be strong. Once his wounds were hidden, Damon opened the door and saw Stefan wearing a big goofy smile on his face.

"Damon, can we go play in the gardens? I want to play tag with you again."

Damon put on his best fake smile. "You think you can out run me uh?" Stefan nodded, practically jumping on the spot. "Well then, race you to the garden." Damon ran passed Stefan and ran down the stairs. Stefan was laughing behind him trying to catch up to his brother.

The scene faded into another scene. Damon was staring out of a window somewhere. It looked like the 70s but they couldn't be sure. The whispering got louder. They relieved that they could hear what Damon was thinking.

"You're the reason your mother is dead."

"You let your friend die in a fire. _Alone._"

"You're a monster!"

"You should be dead."

Damon started to take off his ring slowly. The voices got louder and louder until they were screaming at him. He was burning in the sun. He was just about to turn into ash when one word was said "_Stefan._" He couldn't leave Stefan. He flashed to the other wall and waited for his skin to heal.

"I can't leave Stefan." The voices said "He needs to learn how to control. I need to save Katherine. I need to be strong. I'm not weak. It is better to be hated and feared than loved." The voices repeated over and over again.

The scene changed again. Damon was in his room at the Boarding house. There was vervain on his desk; he stared at it. He picked it up. No gloves, he didn't even acknowledge the pain it was giving him. It was like he was numb. He put it all in his mouth and swallowed. The voice started saying something else now.

"It's always going to be Stefan."

"Maybe that's the problem."

"What's wrong with you."

"Self-serving sociopath."

"Ungrateful bastard."

"Kill me because then I would be free of you."

"You mean nothing to me."

"Who in their right mind would ever love you?"

"Just end it and it will all go away Damon." Damon continued to eat the vervain, forcing himself to swallow. It seem as if it was some sort of punishment for himself.

Stefan couldn't take it anymore. Tears were flowing down his face freely now. His own brother wanted to die. No one had ever chosen him because Damon was always making Stefan look better. It was just a habit now. "Stop." He whispered. "Stop it! Make it stop! DAMON! MAKE IT STOP!" Stefan fell to the ground, unable to hold himself up anymore. The memory stopped and Damon came to them.

"I warned you."

"How many?" Stefan asked weakly. NO one could move, as if they were paralyzed. "How many times have you tried to kill yourself?"

"Before or after I turned?"

"Before."

"83 times."

"What about after?"

"I lost count at 378."

"You, you were going to leave me?" Stefan cried

"I didn't want to live. I spent so much time taking care of you, that I was never truly happy. I was happy to get you to smile, to raise you. But no one cared about me. No one tried to make me happy. Even with Katherine and Elena. I knew they would always pick you over me. Everyone does. I don't deserve to be happy. Mother is dead because of me. I make the hard choices because that's what big brothers do. They do the hard things, even if everyone hates them in the end. Because I was right, and deep down they knew it to. They didn't want to admit it because it would make them too much like me. I can make the hard choices because I have nothing to live for. The happiest moment of my life was holding my baby brother. And I swore to myself that I would always look after you. And I have. Every time you went ripper mode I called Lexi. Even when I was mad at you. Because in the end you are all I have left."

"Then why would you try and kill yourself? If I was all you had then you were all I had. You wanted to leave me. You were going to leave me all alone."

"But you'll never be alone Stefan! You have Elena, Caroline, Tyler, Matt, everyone. You would always have someone. I can't feel pain. It's better that way. You want to know why I shut it out? Because when your father tells you every day that I should be dead, that I look like her, you crave love more than blood. The smallest act of kindness can trigger it. The need to be loved for who you are. And when that person hurts you, all you want to do is die, Stefan. But you would know. I spent years making sure you never went through what I went through. You didn't deserve it. You were just a kid, Stefan."

"SO WERE YOU! YOU SOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING TO ME. I GREW UP THINKING YOU HATED FATHER FOR NO REASON! THAT YOU NEVER CARED ABOUT ME!"

"IF I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT YOU THEN WHY WOULD I DO THESE THINGS? I COULDN'T BE WEAK! YOU NEEDED ME TO BE STRONG! I COULDN'T EVEN CRY! And when I did, you felt guilty for no reason. I am your brother. I did what was right. NO one but me was hurt in the end and I deserved it. Get out of my head."

Everything turned black and they found themselves back inside Alaric's office. Damon's eyes shot open, he was gasping. He looked around the room and saw pity, sadness, and pain. He hated it. He didn't need pity; he got through his life without it. He got up and turned to look at Alaric straight in his eyes.

"You got your answers, do it."

"Ok. You only loved Elena because you wanted to replace Elena. When you came back, you didn't want to lie anymore. You wanted to be free of her. You wanted to be happy." Alaric stopped and looked at Stefan, asking for permission. Stefan nodded. "Damon, your mum's death wasn't your fault. It was your father. You are free to do whatever you want." Stefan couldn't stop crying. His brother hated living, hated him, and hated himself. And he never saw how much Damon was hurting. Even when Damon hated him, wanted to kill him. He kept his promise. He took care of him.

Damon's mind started to clear. He still remembered loving Elena, but it was nothing but a memory now. He felt better than he has in decades. Like all his pain was washing away. Everything seems brighter now. His heart wasn't hidden behind walls and chains anymore; it was free.

Enzo broke the silence first. "Damon, mate. Lets have a drink to celebrate your return back to the living." Enzo put his hand on Damon's shoulder and walked him out of the room. No else said anything after they left, but Caroline started crying. In his mind, they could feel what he was feeling. Hear what he was thinking. Experience his pain right along side him.

Elena couldn't breathe. The man who killed he brother had been through so much. She wondered if she was one of the reasons he wanted to die. A little voice in the back of her mind said it was, but she couldn't remember what she had done. She only remembered him being a monster. It never accoutred to her that she cause him enough pain to want to die.

~Damon P.O.V~

Enzo and I were drinking some bourbon talking about ways to bring Bonnie back when I heard it. A voice. But it was beautiful. She had dark brown, wavy hair and brown, with a hint of green eyes (I'm using Lily Collins as Damon's love interest). She was singing something I had never heard before, but I loved it.

"The drought was the very worst

When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst

It was months, and months of back and forth

You're still all over me like I wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore

Hung my head, as I lost the war, and the sky turn black like a perfect storm

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning

That's when I could finally breathe

And that morning, gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean

There was nothing left to do

And the butterflies turned to dust they covered my whole room

So I punched a hole in the roof

Let the flood carry away all my pictures of you

The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning

That's when I could finally breathe

And that morning, gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean

I think I am finally clean

Said, I think I am finally clean

10 months sober, I must admit

Just because you're clean don't mean you miss it

10 months older I won't give in

Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it

The drought was the very worst

When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning

That's when I could finally breathe

And that morning, gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning

That's when I could finally breathe

And that morning, gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean"

God she had a voice of an angel. I briefly noticed Enzo trying to talk to me but how could pay attention? I had to find out who she was.

"Hey Enzo?" Enzo stopped talking and waited for me to continue, "I'll be right back."

"Oh alright then. Hurry up though." I walked away from him and headed towards the beauty ahead. She looked at me then looked away. I didn't take that as a bad reaction. In fact it's the bet kind.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"I heard you sing and I just wanted to say it was incredible. Do you sing often?"

"Thanks. And no. That was actually my first time singing infront of people."

"Did you write it?"

"Yeah, I did. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"I didn't make a fool of myself up there right? Cause I don't even take music. It's more of a hobby of mine."

"Trust me, you did not make a fool of yourself. Hell, you made a fool out of every singer out there."

"Thanks. I'm Lily, Lily Parker." She held her hand out to shake.

"Damon, Damon Salvatore." I gently took her hand and kissed the back of it, making her blush.

"So Damon, I've never seen you around here before."

"My friend Alaric teaches here. I'm visiting. I was…somewhere else before."

"Alaric? The a cult professor?"

"Yeah, do you take his class?"

"Yeah, it was a dare. I had to pick the strangest class for a semester. It was that or drama. Who wants to do drama?"

"Drama queens." I smirked, making her laugh

"I've got to get to my next class but, I'll see you around Damon."

"That you will Lily. That you will." She walked away as did I but not without looking back. She turned to look at me and blushed at getting caught. I returned to Enzo, trying to hear what he was saying; but only one thing was on my mind.

_I have to see her again._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

~Damon P.O.V~

I was heading over to Alaric's class, hoping to see Lily there again. But I also wanted to see what was wrong with Alaric. Ever since I came back he and along with everyone else (aside from Enzo) has been acting strange. At first I just thought that it was the fact that I came back from the dead after four months. However, you expect them giving me hugs or something. Not just staring at me. It's getting creepy now.

Alaric was talking about some random crap that I didn't understand. I was standing by the door; he didn't notice I was here yet. But someone else had. Lily looked up and saw me standing and gave me a small smile. I gave her a little wave, waiting for Alaric to notice I was here.

"Now, you'd all have probably heard or seen the movie Annabelle. Lets look at the facts about this then: In 1970 a mother purchased an antique Raggedy Ann Doll from a hobby store. The doll was a present for her daughter Donna on her birthday. Donna, at the time, was a student in collage, preparing to graduate with her nursing degree and resided in a tiny apartment with her roommate Angie, who was also a nurse. Pleased with the doll Donna placed it on her as a decoration and didn't give it a second thought until a few days later. With in that time both Donna and Angie noticed that there appeared to be something very strange creepy about the doll. The doll apparently moved on its own, relatively unnoticeable movement at first, like a change in position, but as time passed the movement became more noticeable. Donna and Angie would come home and find the doll in completely different room from which they had left it. Sometimes the doll would be found crossed legged on the couch with its arms folded. Other times it was found upright, standing on its feet, leaning against a chair in the dining room. Several times Donna, placing the doll on the coach before leaving for work, would return home to find the doll back in her room on the bed with the door closed."

"Aw, Alaric. You spoiled it for me." I said catching his and everyone else's attention.

"Damon, I'm teaching right now."

"This will only take a sec." I got Alaric out of the classroom leaving his students confused.

"So, what's up Damon?"

"You tell me. Everyone is acting weird around me and I don't understand why. At first I thought it was the fact that I came back from the dead…again. But it's not. Everyone is watching me like a hawk. And trust me I am use to women doing it, but not you, not Stefan."

"Damon, I don't know what to tell you. We are all just in shock I guess. We all tried to move on from your death, to forget and now that-"

"What? You wanted to forget me? All of you? Even Stefan?"

"No, not like that. I mean Enzo was looking for a way to bring you back all summer, Stefan looked for awhile, Elena went into drugs."

"What about you huh? I bet the whole time I was gone, you helped look for me, but I was a distraction. Wasn't I? I spent four months with Bonnie in a supernatural groundhog day, while you just lied to yourself. Acting human, pretending to be something you're not. You are no better than everyone else. You may have given up on Bonnie but I haven't. I will bring her back."

"Damon, I'll help you get Bonnie back. We all will."

"Yeah, cause you are all willing to bend of backwards for everyone, but me." I walked away from him. Ignoring him calling my name. I can't look at him right now.

I found myself at the bar again, drinking obviously. Someone sat on the stool next to me. Great, Enzo.

"What do you want Enzo. Can't you tell that I want to drink alone?"

"Now I don't believe that. Misery loves company right?" He signalled the barkeep for a drink. "I heard what happened with the teacher. Don't hate him. At least he tried looking for you. Your brother gave up after two months."

"He what?!"

"Why did you think I killed his girlfriend? He tried to move on and forget all about you. So I promised to give him an eternity of misery."

"Did anyone want to remember me? Why does everyone like living in denial?"

"Don't ask me mate. I looked."

"Thanks for that. I'm gonna call it a night."

"Have fun."

I started wondering around the woods and I found myself at the cemetery where I found Stefan. I wonder if I would be missed if I were gone. I asked myself that so many times over the years. The only time I was sure was when I was really gone. I knew Elena would. I was wrong. I know I don't love her anymore, but it till hurts to know that I could be forgotten so easily. Even Stefan forgot about me. I never forget about the people that have died because of me, for me, with me. I find myself thinking about Rose from time to time. My friends in the army. My victims. I always feel guilt. That has always been the difference between me a Stefan, well everyone really. I can put on a good face and lie. I don't wear my emotions to get pity. Pity doesn't help me. It's for them, so they can feel better about themselves so that they can say they care. They understand. But no one will understand unless they have been through something like it.

I do feel better than I have for a while now, and don't get me wrong; I'm grateful to be back. I owe Bonnie everything; I won't throw this life away. But the thoughts will always be there. 173 years of pain, that no one knows about. My guilt is the size of the earth by now. Even if I get forgiven. Even if I make peace.

My thoughts are interrupted when I hear rustling in the bushes. I go over towards the sound.

"Damon?"

I thought I would never hear her voice again. I can't believe I'm saying this but I really did miss her. "Bonnie!" I rush over to her. There is blood on her shirt-probably when Kai shot her with the arrow-she looks tried.

"Damon…" She starts to faint so I speed over to her and catch her. It must be the blood loss. I bite into my wrist and give it to her.

"Drink Bonnie. You don't want Jeremy to see for the first time in months at a hospital do you?" She starts to swallow slowly. I get out my phone and call Caroline. "Hey Blondie, you'll never guess who I just found."

"What?"

"Go to the Salvatore crypt. Bring everyone." I hang up before she can say anything. The wound in Bonnie's stomach is healing so I help her stand up. "Come on."

"Are they coming?"

"Yeah, you'll see them soon. Where's Kai?"

"He's still there. He can't get out. Is everyone ok?"

"Yeah, you should know that Jeremy has been sleeping with other women." Her face went pale. "Don't worry. I've been through this. They are just distractions. He really does miss you. That's a fact. Everyone does."

"Was Elena happy?"

Great, here comes the awkward part. "Yeah, Elena doesn't remember loving me."

"What? How?"

"She asked Alaric to erase her memories of loving me. She was going to get Alaric to compel her to remember if I came back but she doesn't want to remember. She has a better life without me."

"And are you ok?"

"Yeah, it was awake up call really. I realized I was pretending the whole time and I don't want to lie to myself anymore. Enough about me. You ready to see him?"

"Yeah."

"Wait here. I want to surprise them."

I left her in the crypt and went outside where Caroline, Elena, Stefan, Alaric, Matt and finally Jeremy were.

"Why did you call us here Damon?" Caroline asked

"What, can't a guy that has been raised from the dead call everyone to show up at a crypt anymore?"

"Damon, be serious." Elena said

"I am, me and Bonnie were going to have a party here."

"What?" Jeremy said "Bonnie's back?"

"I don't know. You tell me. Come on out."

Bonnie came out of the crypt with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face. She was instantly in a group hug with everyone. There were tears and laughing and love. I slipped away without being noticed. I was going to head over to the apartment I was staying at for the time.

I saw something that made me change my mind. I saw Lily on a bench near Whitmore writing something down.

"Are you writing about the hot, mysterious Damon you met the other night?" I asked sitting down next to her.

She looked up at me and smiled. "Close. I'm writing about the hot, strange Damon."

"Ahh, so you think I'm hot." I smirked

"Please, you know you're hot."

"I know, it's nice to hear. Boosts my ego."

"I don't know, I have heard of people dying from having a huge ego." She teased

"Oh my god, how?"

"Well, their girlfriends got so tried of hearing them talk about themselves that they killed them. You should watch out."

"I think I'm safe. No girlfriend."

"You? A 24 year old hot rich guy, is single?"

"I know right? How did you know I was rich?"

"You are wearing Armani shoes."

"You know men's fashion?"

"I know high quality brands."

"So what are you studying to be?"

"Psychologist. I like being able to help people and tell what they are thinking."

"Huh? So what am I thinking?"

"You are trying to figure out if I'm insane or not?"

"Close. I was thinking about asking you out."

"I would not have guessed that."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Great. I am going to take you out tomorrow night and you are going to fall in love with me."

"Please, you are going to fall in love with me first."

"Is that a challenge?"

"It's a fact. I'm just that lovable."

"Well I guess we'll just have to see. Can I have your phone?" She nodded and handed me her iPhone. "OK, here is my number and now I have yours." I sent a text to myself you I would have her number. "Here you go."

She laughed when she saw the name I gave myself on her phone. "Greek sex god?"

"You and I both know that you were going to put that down. I just saved you the trouble."

"I was planning on putting Greek sex _prince._"

"Damn, I was close."

"You were. Well, I have to get back to my dorm before my roommate locks me out again."

"She locks you out?"

"Yep. She has to sleep at 10 and if I wake her up I must stay up with her until she falls asleep. She is very vengeful."

"Well we don't want that now do we. Goodnight Lily."

"Night Damon."

**I know this chapter is shorter than the first one, but I just wanted to get Bonnie out of the way so that I can really focus on Damon and Lily's (Dily?) relationship. This isn't the best chapter, but it will get better. I was just getting it out of the way. ****I have alot of crazy ideas for you guys.**

**By the way, I am a Delena. I just think Damon deserves better. And I think Elena might remember Damon in a cheesy way like: she kisses him and she remembers or something.**

**Elena will remember in this story and she will go CRAZY**

**And thank you to everyone that has reviewed my story. I hope you continue to review.**

**-monkeey :)**


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